Things That You Can't Believe Aren't Parodies

Douthat on Tebow:

THE Prophet Jonah was sent to Nineveh. St. Paul was sent to Athens, Macedonia, Rome. And now Tim Tebow has been sent to New York City...Babylon-upon-the-Hudson.

O ye of little faith. Did you think that the Lord God of Hosts, having raised Tebow up as a Gideon of the gridiron, would pass up the opportunity to put his faithful servant to the test? Did you think that the angelic screenwriters responsible for scripting last year’s succession of Tebow-related improbabilities had nodded off after the Broncos were dispatched in the A.F.C. playoffs? Did you think that the archons and demiurges who preside over America’s culture war would be content to let Tebow fade into obscurity — some red-state-friendly endorsement deals, a few 6-10 finishes, and then early retirement and a lifetime of under-the-radar charity work? ...

No, this was where the Tebow story was always destined to end up. Denver was his Galilee; New York will be the Roman Colosseum.

Did he really say that on the op-ed page of the New York Times?  Yes, he did.  I can only assume that the NYT is following the WaPo into "they'll print anything" territory.

After that, his column abandons 'totally over the top' for more standard stupidity:

Why is Tim Tebow such a fascinating and polarizing figure? Not just because he claims to be religious; that claim is commonplace among football stars and ordinary Americans alike. Rather, it’s because his conduct — kind, charitable, chaste, guileless — seems to actually vindicate his claim to be in possession of a life-altering truth.

Nothing discredits religion quite like the gap that often yawns between what believers profess and how they live. With Tebow, that gap seems so narrow as to be invisible....He fascinates, in part, because he behaves — at least in public, and at least for now — the way one would expect more Christians to behave if their faith were really true.

Tebow’s religion doesn’t just promise a path to personal transformation. It claims that every human life is actually a story with an Author, and that a genuinely Christian life should make that divine Authorship manifest.

Shorter Douthat: while practically all the people who get to define Christianity in our popular discourse are charlatans and mountebanks, hey looky here, I've found one who may not be!  So that shows the whole thing is really true!

If we statisticians had a name for this, it would be something like "proof by outlier."  The bulk of my data says X, but I've managed to find one data point that says Y instead - so my conclusion is Y.  Because that's the conclusion I was going to come up with, no matter what the data said.

What a moron.

Comments

[Paula B]

>>...He fascinates, in part, because he behaves — at least in public, and at least for now — the way one would expect more Christians to behave if their faith were really true.
Tebow’s religion doesn’t just promise a path to personal transformation. It claims that every human life is actually a story with an Author, and that a genuinely Christian life should make that divine Authorship manifest.<<

Since when are those who stop traffic on bended knee the only ones whose faith is true? This isn't the way I expect true Christians -- or true anythings -- to behave. In fact, it's antisocial, irritating and disruptive. Is that the true test of faith? To not care about those around you? What's he talking about? All lives have stories and an author, even those of untouchables living deep in the bowels of Mumbai. Has Douthat started writing for Hallmark?

Sorry I've been away so long, guys. It's going to take me half a lifetime to catch up with your posts.

Thanks nancy, kathy and Sir C for your comments. Always welcomed.

[nancy]

The weather is turning warm here, which means that I can soon expect the annual onslaught of pamphlet and Bible-toting clusters of true-believers to arrive to ring my doorbell and ask if they might help deliver me to 'the word.' They interrupt my personal time, intrude into my space and I end up being the one who feels rude if I'm clipped or impatient. They are in my neighborhood because it's pleasant meandering and they can count on no gross impoliteness. Doesn't Tebow push the same boundaries? Pass the sanctimony. And respect the show.

Not exactly like a personal quick 'sign of the cross' before heading out to bat, is it?

And Douthat. Really, the NYT is breaking my heart anew.

[kathy a.]

i don't have much to say about sports ("gridiron" at least tipped me to which sport) and not much use for public displays of religiosity. show me good works that actually help folks with secular human problems, like food, shelter, clothing, schooling, medical care; that earns credit.

nancy, we get a number of those visitors, too. all in all, i prefer them to robocallers. at least they are actual people, and i've got the "thank you, no i'm all set, thanks, gotta go, take care!" thing down to where i'm shutting the door in 15 seconds, and they are thanking me right back even though they could not personally save me.

[Linkmeister]

I've mastered the art of being politely dismissive through the louvered windows next to the front door. I don't want to bother undoing the deadbolt and chain (we never use that door, so it's always locked).

I've found it works well on Jehovah's Witnesses, itinerant tree trimmers, and driveway smoothers. I should do a YouTube video! ;)

[Paula B]

On a more serious note, this is prudent: States are preparing an alternative to ACA, in case SCOTUS nixes it. This might include cloning the Massachusetts model or similar set ups. Note: Polls show something like 92% of people in MA approve of the state health program.
Can't seen to get bitly to work for me this morning, but here's the link in the NYT:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/27/business/awaiting-a-ruling-on-the-health-law-mandate-and-reviewing-alternatives.html?hpw

[Paula B]

Where can I get a car elevator and how many extra jobs will I need to take on to buy one?
Born with a silver foot in his mouth, indeed.

[Paula B]

omigod! I was going to sign my post, Greetings from Slutsville, then decided to Google Slutsville on the off-chance it is the name of a real place. This is what I got>
http://bit.ly/GTXHnD

Maybe I should forward the link to Ricky????

[Sir Charles]

Paula,

Maryland has Scaggsville, which sounds like it should be a sister city.

l-t c,

I suspect that St. Timmy of the Wobbly Pass (as I think Tbogg dubbed him) is going to have a short, unhappy stay in Gotham.

[Sir Charles]

Car elevator is beyond awesome.

This guy is a parody of a rich guy.

Next will be the fur sink.

[Paula B]

If you want to follow live text coverage of SCOTUS, go here http://www.scotusblog.com/ or, on Twitter: @SCOTUSblog

I know Scaggsville MD---also Hicksville NY, Athol MA. The list goes on. I wouldn't buy address labels if I lived in any of those places.

Did you follow the link? It takes you to a dating service where you can meet Christian singles in Slutsville. No lie.

[Phil Perspective]

Sir Charles:
Have you been following things today? According to the Twitter machine, it appears the Solicitor General was not prepared for the grilling he got from the GOP justices.

[Sir Charles]

Paula,

I have been working, working, working, and other than a quick drop by here have not been on the internet machine at all.

I am going to grab lunch and catch up.

This whole lawyer thing is beginning to cramp my style.

[low-tech cyclist]

Paula - Christian singles in Slutsville: that's hilarious! I've always been of the opinion that if his/her faith isn't some sort of precious hothouse flower, a Christian ought to be able to thrive in the secular world. But living in Slutsville definitely takes it to the next level!

SC - I expect you're right. And there's a reason Denver couldn't get more than a fourth-round draft choice for the guy, and it wasn't because NFL players hate holy rollers; they're awash in them.

But I still can't believe that even Douthat would compare Tebow in New York with the apostle Paul in Rome, or the fictional Jonah in Nineveh. Or, mixing analogies, simultaneously comparing him with Jesus and late first-century Christian martyrs: "Denver was his Galilee; New York will be the Roman Colosseum."

This column managed to jump a whole oceanful of sharks. I have to wonder what grade a high school English teacher would give it.

nancy, kathy, Linkmeister - I actually enjoy talking with the occasional JW or Mormon missionary that comes by my door, since I usually know the Bible at least as well as they do.

My approach to the Mormons is simple: I just tell them that while I have experienced God's calling in a number of ways over the decades, I have not the least inkling of a reason to suspect that He is calling me to give up coffee. And as soon as their leader gets a revelation that coffee and other caffeinated beverages are hunky-dory, they should check back with me then - but not before.

[Paula B]

Just Tweeted:
Lyle Denniston @SCOTUSblog: "If Justice Anthony M. Kennedy can locate a limiting principle ... the mandate may well survive."

[Paula B]

FYI, Kindle accidentally (?) disabled the BUY button on everything available in the US in its online store today. Who needs cyberterrorists to disrupt the economy or defense? http://t.co/OLRMPp46

[Linkmeister]

l-t-c, I like that! Here's one I just thought of for Mormon-repellent: "Between the last time I died and my reincarnation your church baptized me already. Thanks!"

[Paula B]

Words fail: Group tried to stir up racial trouble to prevent acceptance of gay marriage. http://nyti.ms/GXstcw

[kathy a.]

not just any group, paula -- The National Organization "for" Marriage. this is their political blueprint. you'll probably notice there is not a lot of marriage supporting in there.

LTC, linkmeister -- one of my rules is to never get into a religious discussion with my door-to-doors or the salvation persons on the street. my husband tried that once, and we got frequent visits after that -- i noticed he was always busy when they showed up.

[nancy]

ltc and Linkmeister -- I have something of a soft spot for the 19 year-old male Mormons in pairs at my door because I know they'd really really rather be playing video games somewhere in a basement rec room out of the heat. Did you know they can call home only twice a year while they're on their two-year missions? Once is on Mother's Day of course. We once heard of a classic play being performed in Utah where the script line, as written, which referred to a "cup of coffee", was changed to " a hot cocoa." So I often offer them a glass of water, rather than iced tea, and use of my front porch, while I exit. They drink pretty slowly.

Today. Being legally-challenged. Conservative thinking? Health care mandates are a problem -- forced insurance coverage purchases. Except that they are not -- mandates for ultrasound purchases for women seeking an abortion. Help. Aren't conservatives looking to eventually have this two ways? I guess what I mean is: aren't the folks hoping to see 'Obamacare' dismantled the same people who really love their state-mandated micro-managed *medical* legislations now sweeping the country?

[paula b]

Nancy---Makes you wonder who's going to pay for it and how they expect to get physicians to comply with politically-based medicine.

[kathy a.]

i haven't had time to read the scotus reports, much less the transcripts. let's all cross fingers that kennedy doesn't go wacky on us.

[Linkmeister]

kathy a, he already has, memorably, in Bush v. Gore. He's a prima donna on that Court, less of one than Scalia, perhaps, but nonetheless a man who loves the attention.

My only hope is that he (and/or Roberts, possibly) don't want to show the Court as the highly-politicized body it is so soon after that 2000 decision. They know they took a hit with the public after they gave the election to the Republican with the fewer votes.

[oddjob]

those who stop traffic on bended knee

The context isn't quite the same, but I still can't help remembering this teaching of Jesus that such people routinely, totally ignore:

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
- Matthew 6:6 (New International Version)

[oddjob]

a short, unhappy stay in Gotham

AKA "Gomorrah on the Hudson".... ;)