Let's Mess With Texas A Bit

The great state of Texas levies no income tax on individuals or corporations.  Its "tax freedom day" arrives before most other states' "freedom days," and its business tax climate is ranked #8 in the nation.  The total tax burden on Texans is among the lowest of any state in the USA.

Texas was also the incubator for George Bush's No Child Left Behind program, implementing that program's principles and methods before any other state in the union.  Texas has spent more on abstinence-only education than any other state.

In Texas, it is illegal to sell "devices including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marked as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs," though if you're purchasing it merely as an educational tool, it's ok.  You actually have to sign an affidavit to buy a dildo. (Side note:  God, I miss Molly Ivins.  We didn't deserve her, we really didn't.  Rest in peace, you beautiful thing.)  Update:  It's not actually illegal anymore to purchase sex toys in Texas, and hasn't been for two whole months now!  And of course buttsex has been legal in Texas for 5 1/2 years, which is pretty amazing, really.

It's true that not everyone in Texas is a hardcore, reactionary conservative.  Amanda Marcotte alone will keep Texas from being the most conservative state in the USA no matter what else they do.  It should also be noted that while he has since moved, Neil graced Texas with his own brand of awesome enlightenment for several years.

So what does it mean for those fortunate enough to grow up in such a conservative wonderland?  What's it like for the children of Texas, those who are raised in an environment of patriotism and godliness?

Glad you asked:

• Texas has the worst graduation rate in the USA.
• Texas ranks last in health coverage for children.
• Texan children are more likely to end up in prison than children in any other state.
• Infant mortality rates are climbing in Texas, while holding steady in the rest of the USA.
• Texan teen girls are more likey to become pregnant than those of any other state.
• The number of Texan children repeating kindergarten has increased by 32%, suggesting a decrease in school readiness.
• Only 18% of Texan kids with a diagnosed mental illness receive treatment.  

The full report is here.  It's worth reading and knowing this, because the end of George W. Bush's reign of destruction is unfortunately not also the end of Texas's influence upon the USA as a whole.  

Conservatives cannot govern because they don't want to govern.  Conservatives will intentionally ruin whatever government programs they're tasked to run.  These results from Texas are not anomalies, they are not unfortunate mistakes.  These results are exactly what the architects of that state's system of non-governance intended, because I can guarantee you that children of wealthy parents do not have these problems.  They have medical care, they don't get sent to prison because they can afford lawyers, they survive infancy, they get treatment for mental illnesses.  The conservative vision of government is that the poor live and die in misery while supporting the comfortable and lavish lifestyles of those lucky enough to have been born rich.

I've never wanted to live in Texas, but after reading this report of the destruction caused by conservative governance, I wouldn't move my children to Texas to save my life.  Kansas is a red state, but we're pikers compared to Texas. 

As liberals, we need to make sure that we not only know these facts, but that we spread them as far and wide as we can.  We need to make sure that the truth about conservative governance is known.  Spreading this message is the only way we can hope to inoculate our fellow Americans from being infected with obfuscatory conservative rhetoric

Comments

[oddjob]

As Molly used to observe, there are one hell of a lot of people in Texas, especially in its legislature, who are utterly convinced that gub'mint outta be run like a bidness.

The results speak for themselves.

[Glenn Fayard]

Hell, Houston Nutt messed with Texas, it worked out for him.

[Lisa Simeone]

You're reminding me of my college days. I had a close friend from Fort Worth named Liz. She was 5'10-1/2", built like a brick shithouse, and a real sweetheart. She was a total knock-out. When she walked into a bar, every guy in the place fell off his bar stool. And then when she opened her mouth, well, it was all over. With that darling Texas drawl, and her sheer adorableness, they didn't stand a chance. Liz never had a problem getting a date.

Then she decided to leave after sophomore year and go back to Texas. Things weren't working out, it wasn't the right school for her. She ended up enrolling at UT.

I'll never forget what happened when she went back. Down there, nobody thought she was attractive. Down there, she couldn't get a date. Down there, apparently, guys expected their gals to have skinny legs up to their necks and boobs that pointed to the ceiling. Oh, and blonde hair, of course. Liz fit none of those bills. I remember getting these plaintive letters and phonecalls, detailing her romance woes, her lonely Saturday -- and every other -- nights, lamenting her dead social life. I couldn't believe it. Seemed the only kind of cute those men could consider was the Texas cheerleader type.

I kept urging her to come back east. What's wrong with those idiots??! I would tell her. They don't know anything. They're morons. They don't know what gorgeous is. They don't appreciate you. Come back here where men know a babe when they see one.

She didn't come back east. She ended up finishing at UT (though not before she was raped at a frat party, discovered 3 months later to her surprise that she was pregnant, and had a hard time finding a place to get an abortion), and eventually married a much older man with grown children who started a second family with her. So she eventually ended up finding some happiness, which she deserved.

Liz's experiences taught me much about Texas.

[Lisa Simeone]

Gawd, I meant to type 4'10-1/2"! She was 4 feet, 10-and-a-half-inches tall. A tiny gorgeous thing. Sorry, I totally wrecked that image.

[Sir Charles]

It may have illegal to buy a dildo in Texas, but clearly it wasn't illegal to be one in Texas, since they elected a dildo governor not once, but twice.

[joel hanes]

but clearly it wasn't illegal to be [a dildo] in Texas

Nor was it illegal to be an asshole in Texas.

That joke was first posted (to Usenet!) early in 2001, and we thought it was funny at the time because we thought it was exaggeration. I quit laughing a long time ago.

[litbrit]

A spiky, acid-tipped dildo, no less!

What a perfect metaphor for W, though: a dick, but not even a live, functional one--a dick that has to be operated by others.

[low-tech cyclist]

Maybe we should mess with Tennessee a bit too, since a former student of mine came within an eyelash of becoming Speaker of the Tennessee House.

[Sir Charles]

Heh. Indeed.

[Scott K]

Hey! Collateral damage, blowback, innocent bystanders????????