Bill O'Reilly is, of course, a scumbag, a charlatan, and an insufferable pompous blowhard. My expectations of him are less than zero. But today he has gone too far. He called Jessica Alba a pinhead. Moreover, he did so on a point on which Ms. Alba was quite right -- that Sweden has historically been a neutral country. Billo patronizingly suggested that she had meant Switzerland.
This is the type of insult to Ms. Alba up with which I shall not put! I hereby challenge Mr. O'Reilly to fisticuffs, anytime, anywhere, so that I may impress upon him that some things are just not done. Sir. C'mon you splotchy old mick -- make my day.
C'mon you splotchy old mick
Wait, let me guess: you're on your
fourthfifth cocktail?Posted by: ari | January 28, 2009 at 09:41 PM
Every time you punch him, say "Al Franken is going to the Senate."
Posted by: Corvus | January 28, 2009 at 09:41 PM
C'mon you splotchy old mick
Wait, let me guess: you're on your
fourthfifth cocktail?Posted by: ari | January 28, 2009 at 09:48 PM
And I'm apparently on my nineteenth. Stoopid fingers.
Posted by: ari | January 28, 2009 at 09:48 PM
Believe it or not, I have not yet made a drink yet. It's just my natural pugnaciousness.
However, now that you mention it . . .
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 28, 2009 at 09:53 PM
This post would have benefited from a picture... (not one of Billo)
Posted by: nimh | January 28, 2009 at 10:58 PM
nimh,
I so can't argue with that. Check the link -- my talents are limited I'm afraid.
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 28, 2009 at 11:02 PM
Now, here is something I'd pay good money to see: chess-boxing with Sir C and Bill O'. Winner takes Jessica to dinner.
I love how idiots like O'Reilly--and isn't almost always the old, white conservative idiots?--automatically assume that an attractive woman must surely be a dull-witted one, as though Mother Nature is a miserly sort who only hands out a single outstanding talent or trait per human being.
Silly, stupid man.
Posted by: litbrit | January 28, 2009 at 11:13 PM
This is the type of insult to Ms. Alba up with which I shall not put!
Awesome reference to the best impersonation of 2008.
Posted by: David Samuels | January 29, 2009 at 01:52 AM
Silly, stupid man.
Is that another way of saying "splotchy old mick"?
Posted by: ari | January 29, 2009 at 01:56 AM
Wait a sec. What if she did mean Switzerland? After all, that is the more common phrase. What about the fact that mixing up similar names in an impromptu statement doesn't make one a pinhead?
Also, fuck O'Rielly.
Posted by: sam k | January 29, 2009 at 08:55 AM
sam,
Jessica Alba doesn't make mistakes. Unlike Pop Benny, she is infallible.
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 29, 2009 at 09:31 AM
My nineteen year old daughter has for years also been disparaging Ms. Alba's brain power and I have repeatedly valiantly defended Jessica's honor. I don't know, though, whether this makes Sir Charles and I allies or rivals.
Posted by: mrgumby2u | January 29, 2009 at 12:56 PM
Well it sounds like we could have a Roosevelt - Stalin thing going on here. Fighting a common foe, but we both want Berlin.
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 29, 2009 at 01:18 PM
Berlin's all your's, man, I'm taking Alba.
Posted by: mrgumby2u | January 29, 2009 at 03:25 PM
Ha! You probably have the Dark Angel DVD collection.
http://www.amazon.com/Dark-Angel-Complete-Second-Season/dp/B000O77SN6/ref=pd_sim_d_1
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 29, 2009 at 04:43 PM
I love it when those of Irish heritage insult one another by using terms like "mick." Although the true insult is obviously to be found in "splotchy" and "old," it just amuses me.
And aren't there enough things for which to attack Splotchy O'Reilly without having to resort to potentially false claims regarding Jessica Alba's basic abilities to comprehend--and communicate using--the English language?
Sir C and others' blind love of Jessica Alba is touching. Let's talk in 25 years, when everything on her is either sagging or unnaturally tight due to surgical enhancements. Then we'll see how smart y'all still think she is.
Watch for a post from me soon defending the high IQ and wealth of general knowledge displayed by ... dear lord, I can't think of anybody I'm attracted to who isn't whip-smart. Well, in my personal life, there was that ill-advised encounter one time a few years back with the hot 21-year-old guy at my Y pool (former Olympic hopeful who blew out a shoulder and was on the mend--dumb as toast, but what abs. Sigh.), but other than that, my fantasies are all about John Cusack and the like; attractive, yet able to balance a checkbook and understand all the big words in the news articles.
No, wait. Oh, crap. I must confess...Keanu gets me hot. I feel guilty and ashamed every time, but at the end of "Something's Gotta Give," I was yelling, "No, Diane! Stay with Keanu! He loves you, and he won't need Viagra for years. C'mon, look at those pecs!"
So hush my mouth, gentlemen. As you were.
Posted by: Voice o' Reason | January 29, 2009 at 04:47 PM
The casting of Mr. Reeves as a doctor strained credulity to its limits.
When you do that post about the great Dogstar show you saw, I will know that you are hopeless.
We black Irish love to lord our superior skin over the splotchy set.
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 29, 2009 at 04:56 PM
The only flick in which I've ever watched Keanu was My Own Private Idaho. By no means did I think he came across as dumb in that one.
(Okay, yeah, he's a seemingly homeless ne'er-do-well, but it goes with the plot which is sort of a modern "cover" of Henry IV, parts I & II.)
Posted by: oddjob | January 29, 2009 at 05:02 PM
Voice O'--I ADORE Keanu. Absolutely adore him.
And no, he's not dumb at all. I've read some interviews with him wherein he let a few walls down and opined with great depth and insight on a surprisingly wide range of topics.
Then there are the lovely things that others say about him. George Carlin, for one, was always quick to offer a rare bit of praise for Reeves, saying he was both a friend and a fan (they met during the Bill and Ted movie). Also, it isn't widely known, but an agent buddy of mine told me Mr. Reeves is one of the most generous souls in Hollywood; he's just quiet and exceedingly humble about it, and people respect his wishes by not running straight to the tabs. When a movie wraps, Keanu doesn't just treat the non-actor participants (cameramen, writers, makeup and hair people, etc.) to a nice dinner--he buys them cars or sends them and their families on holiday.
So yeah, Keanu....where was I? *sigh*
As for the smart-but-not-traditionally-gorgeous, I should mention the name Larry David, because that will bring Lisa out of hiding. You should know, gentlemen, we smart ladies find Teh Funny to be a big turn-on. Even more so, in fact, than pizza, guys who like animals, and long walks on the beach at sunset.*
*This--almost verbatim, too--was what a friend of mine wrote in her Playmate of the Month centerfold questionnaire nearly thirty years ago. She was aiming for something tongue-in-cheek, so to speak.
Posted by: litbrit | January 29, 2009 at 06:09 PM
keanu is very funny. i saw speed.
SC, i am only splotchy when i am not drinking. ig et a nice even tone when i drink
Posted by: big bad wolf | January 29, 2009 at 08:52 PM
You should get together with Oliver Willis for your crusade. He's in love with her too.
Posted by: beckya57 | January 30, 2009 at 02:08 AM
You should get together with Oliver Willis for your crusade. He's in love with her too.
Posted by: beckya57 | January 30, 2009 at 02:09 AM
Oops, sorry, double posting.
Posted by: beckya57 | January 30, 2009 at 02:10 AM
big bad, I find my tone gets nice and even on the day after drinking. A nice, even light putty-gray, to be specific.
Posted by: litbrit | January 30, 2009 at 08:18 AM
I *have* seen Dogstar live. They were mediocre. But I like the way Keanu planted his feet and pumped out the rhythm on bass, and didn't even have a mic anywhere near him because he knew he couldn't sing. (Unlike the plumber guy from "Desperate Housewives" who is simply abhorrent and drags down "Band From TV" considerably, despite the talents of Hugh Laurie and Greg Grunberg.)
The only reason I saw Dogstar live is that I know the drummer, plus another friend of mine is friends with Keanu, to whom I've never actually spoken directly. Everyone I know who knows him, though, says similar things about his kindness and generosity. (Also, occasionally, about his need to hit the bathwater with slightly greater frequency.)
But who cares? He looks good from a distance, and it's fun to watch him in movies like "Speed" and "Point Break" because he's just so...KEANU.
The difference here, though, is that I know Keanu's limitations and enjoy him despite them. I'm not claiming he's a Rhodes scholar, a musical genius, and/or prime candidate for being my future husband. I keep him where he belongs, in enjoyable, slightly wacky fantasyland.
But we all have to do whatever it takes to get us through. So Alba-worship away, boys. I may not respect you for it, but I accept it.
Posted by: Voice o' Reason | January 30, 2009 at 04:57 PM
Looks like someone else is itching to feel my wrath:
http://www.julescrittenden.com/2009/01/29/from-the-mouths-of-babes-2/
What a load of claptrap.
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 30, 2009 at 05:58 PM
OMG, Sir C, you'd better start hitting the speed bag now in preparation.
These wingnuts are just asking to be, um, corrected.
(Jess ought to stick with brunette, I think. The dye job makes her hair look orange-y, and her features are more olive-toned anyway.)
Posted by: Stephen Suh | January 30, 2009 at 07:00 PM
I really liked what I presume to be her natural look -- as a brunette. I remember being really surprised the first time I saw her hair lightened -- it seemed (shock of shocks) really unnatural.
I prefer the heavy bag by the way -- just that satisfying resistance -- like your pummeling a wing nut's rib cage.
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 30, 2009 at 10:59 PM
like "you're" -- Jesus, I'm not only drunk but stupid.
Posted by: Sir Charles | January 30, 2009 at 11:08 PM